Archive for work

California Sucks

Posted in Professional with tags , , , , , , , on May 13, 2010 by Kyle Barry

Conveys the point pretty well.

Yeah, you heard me right. The reason I can’t work more than 28 hours on average per week at West Elm is because California sucks. I stick by my story! (If you don’t get that reference, I’m sorry. You must not be a Dave Chappelle fan)  Anywho, I’m pretty upset about work because I’m only getting about 15-20 hours a week now whereas two weeks ago I was 15 minutes short of 40 hours. This is a big honking deal to me.  I gots loans to pay and Sallie Mae ain’t exactly the best people to owe money to. They’re probably making my concrete shoes right now in anticipation of my late payment.  Actually to be honest, they’re pretty cool with late payments and stuff as long as you pay within 15 days of the due date.  After that, it’s rocks through your windows in the middle of the night and screeching tires.  So back to my rant which you care nothing about. Why the poop can’t I work more than 28 hours a week? Well according to Williams Sonoma Inc. under California State Law that would constitute full time in which the company would have to offer me benefits. I understand why Williams Sonoma does what they do and apparently it’s like this across the board for retail, food service, etc.  So my question is, why can’t I sign a waiver forfeiting my right to benefits so that I can average more than 28 hours a week? It’s a win win situation. At the tender young age of 23, I could sure use some insurance but I certainly don’t require it for medical assistance or recurring health problems.  It’s a crap-ton of money for piece of mind and living below the poverty line I can’t really afford that kind of extravagance right now.  (Any Barry family member should appreciate that line)  Seriously though, give me a permission slip.  The kind I had to have my parents sign before all of those elementary school field trips.  I’ll sign that trash in a heartbeat if it means consistent hours every week.  Now I have to go out and find some other part time nonsense job to supplement my income.  Poopsauce, I don’t want to go back to Chubway Subway.  I hated that place. There’s only one thing to do at a time like this…

I’m buying a lottery ticket.

Laugh it up but when I win I’ll be the one cackling from atop my ivory tower.  Yeah, I’m buying an ivory tower with my winnings.  Also, one of these.

Fizzy Free in Humboldt Park

Posted in Personal with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2010 by Kyle Barry

Yeah, that’s right.  We’re back on the 30 days kick.  This time instead of a new artsy fartsy picture every day, we (myself and some lucky others included) have decided to give up soda… popcoke…non-alcoholic carbonated beverages for a month. It is straight up no fun. I hate it. I’m miserable without my caffeine and high fructose corn syrup.  However, this was a definite topper to the other suggestion for the month of March, which was: Going vegan.  Might have to build up to that one and/or never attempt that in my life. You know yer boy ain’t eatin’ no tofu, SON.  I know we all have our vices in life, but mine happens to be Diet Coke.  These past few harrowing days have given me a chance to reflect on why I love my sweet fizzy nectar:

1. cheaper than beer (sometimes. Peebers to the rescue.)

2. zero calories (do you know how many calories you drink from regular coke/beer/gatorade/i can’t believe it’s not butter spray? Too much is the answer you were looking for.)

3. caffeine (nuff said, right there. Most powerful drug in the world, last time I checked my opinions.)

4. water is boring. (needs more high fructose corn syrup.)

I’ve also begun to think how I take my liquid gold.  I prefer the fountain coke, thank you. Any fast food joint ought to provide a proper beverage dispenser with a limitless amount on tap, literally.  Unless those greedy goons hide it behind the counter and fill your cup 80% full of ice. Hate those places. I’m looking at you, Long John Silvers.  For those that don’t hog it all, I commend you on your generosity.  There’s something about that instant mix of C2O and syrup that just makes everything right in the world. My backup is the canned variety. Never do I ever go for the plastic 20 oz. Big mistake right there.  Too much drink and it tastes weird out of plastic. Just don’t even attempt it. Apologies to all that have ventured down that awful road.  And if you’ve even had an inkling of a thought about the 1 or 2 liter, litre, leeter? sizes, you’re crazy dude. People that buy 1 liter diet cokes have a serious drinking problem. Also, 2 liter diet coke bottles are terrible. No one can get to through the entire bottle without the last 1/3 being flat and disgusting.  Just no.

This pictorial should be self explanatory. If not, then you lose.

So wish me luck during this terribly frightening venture. I hope I come out clean on the other side.  There’s a small chance I’ll come out on the other end with no dependency on caffeine.  There’s also a chance that I’ll sell all of my earthly possessions and run away to join the circus, but let’s be honest with ourselves.

On a completely unrelated but somehow also awesome topic, I have officially moved into my own place.  I live in Humboldt Park now. It’s awesome. Did I mention how awesome it is? Just checking. I have two roommates who both seem to be solid guys. We haven’t had a sleepover yet where we do each other’s hair, but I have to imagine that will come up in conversation soon.  Just biding my time.  Also, my commute to work is about 13 minutes. That equals sleeping in more, which last time I checked, equals a gigantic WIN. If you are unfamiliar with what I’m talking about, please see the previous post.

That’s all for now, check back in later on. Or whenever you’ve exhausted every other possible form of productivity killing.